Girl Gerkhin

I’ve gone and done it.  I have clicked on ‘submit’ on my scholarship and enrollment application at Uni to do a PhD.

Why?  Even if I do get the scholarship, it would amount to less than what I currently pay in tax!  I have three mortgages, and my current job is pretty sweet (gym every day during work hours, low work demand, my boss is across the other side of the country and often forgets about me, and I am the boss of my own section).  If I continue on in my current job my superannuation is at a stage where it would just skyrocket, and I get free medical and dental care.  Why would I even consider chucking it in?

The answer is obvious.  Money isn’t everything.  Power is over-rated.  Responsibility sucks.

Will have to make some sacrifices though.  We will have to move house, sell property and live on a budget *shudder*.

Ah well, another leap into the unknown.  We shall see what happens.

Everyone should know when it is time to move on.  Many times you know deep down, but refuse to accept it.  It is easier just keeping going as is.  To remain comfortable in stability, in comfortable shoes, in the familiar haze of life.  But change is inevitable.  The thinking, feeling person soon looks for something else.  That person needs to evolve, to grow and experience other things.  I am talking about career change.

This is possibly the last year in my current job.  I have been in it over 15 years.  I have accumulated lots of knowledge, made lots of contacts, have more experience than many others, and even have the respect to act as a mentor.  My pay is very good, the work conditions cannot be beat, I am treated well, and have autonomy in my decisions.  I am supported and not questioned.  It is really quite good.  So why leave?

I know it’s time.  I know that life is so full of other challenges, different people, different experiences.  My heart knows it’s time.  My head says to keep going to build up my superannuation, and ensure my retirement is comfortable.  I am going with my heart.

It is not all burning bridges though.  I will apply for 3-4 years leave without pay.  It is likely I will not return, however there is always that option.  I will be applying soon.  Once it is in, then I will know that there is no going back.  Then it is off to Uni to commence a PhD.

Hey, just arrived back in Australia after a brilliant couple of weeks in New Zealand.  What a beautiful country.  I tramped the Routeburn (2 nights) then the Milford (3 nights) tracks.  The weather was sunny and clear for every day except one.  Here are some observations:

I couldn’t have done it without the Leki pole (with anti shock).  In fact, next time I will have two of them.  If you have any doubt about your knees or back going downhill, then these things are great.  The only improvement I would make is to buy the ones with a handle (like an old people’s cane!) rather than use the ones with normal grips.  More support.

No need to bring a stove, fuel, or water.  The huts have gas cookers (enough for everyone) and running taps.  No need to bring toilet paper or a trowel either.  The huts have flushing toilets…amazing.  In fact, going in the bush is discouraged (of course).

No need to bring a sleeping mat.  Every hut has bunk beds which has vinyl covered mattresses…around 12cm thickness foam!  Bring ear plugs though, as lots of people snore and the huts carry up to 40 beds.

Bring swimming gear, that is, if you don’t mind swimming in glacial clear water.  Lots of people didn’t mind and dived in.  Too cold for me.

Invest in the best boots.  Some people I saw just had normal sneakers, or runners.  In fact on the Routeburn, some people were running.  I am not sure how you would get through either track comfortably carrying a pack without proper hiking boots.  The paths can be made with large rocks and stepping on them with the good sturdy soles of boots made it much easier!

The water bladder and tube to my mouth was great.  Made me drink more too as it was so convenient.  No mucking around with water bottles.

Bring a good camera.  Perhaps even a tripod.  Below is an example of what a tripod can do.  I didn’t use a full DSLR as I wanted lightness and convenience.  I did however bring a portable digital camera which had a full manual mode.  I also brought a tripod.  An example of a shot taken is below.

Bring waterproof overpants.  In fact, the whole wet weather gear would be a good idea.  Even when it had finished raining the overpants were still worn, and it kept the wet plants from soaking my socks!

The sandflies on the Milford are vicious.  Take repellent.  Although I did and still got bitten.  Yuck.

Be prepared to get little sleep, especially if you are sharing a hut with 20 or so 16 year school girls on school camp…they tend to scream and giggle quite alot.

Shorts were good.  I had never walked in shorts before these trecks, but I found them great.  Better movement and freedom.  The weather allowed me to do this.  When I got cold on the upper passes, I put on the overpants.

Take the time to stop and take in the surroundings.  It is awesome.

Will keep adding to this as I think of things.

Like many, I have sat through many advertisements leading up to the election this Saturday.  This is my favourite.  It makes me feel a part of the community more than anything else.  I felt happy when I saw this.

The speaker is Alison Xamon, an MP from Western Australia.

The Australian election is in a couple of weeks.  There are two main parties and a couple of others who have the potential to hold the balance of power.  This election has been the weirdest I have ever witnessed.  The Labor Party assassinated their leader only a few weeks before the election was announced, and replaced him with the first female Prime Minister: Julia Gillard.  The leader of the opposition, Tony Abbott was often seen in red budgie smugglers and doing macho stuff and saying macho things.  And there has been the strong showing of the Greens party who suddenly seem more credible due mostly to their leader, Bob Brown.  The sex Party has been attempting (curiously with some success) to establish themselves as a viable option.  Finally, there is Family First, who are really a bunch of Bible toting/quoting righteous right, who believe they represent the silent majority on issues like same-sex marraige (which to them equates to child abuse).

This is my for and against.  Really to help me choose, it is really hard!

Labor (leader: Julia Gillard)

For:

• Leader is a woman.  I am a bit of a feminist and love this.  I think I have a bit of a thing for her and her intellect.  Go girl.
• Julia Gillard is obviously well spoken and would be a great representative of Australia in international issues.
• I am for the National Broadband Network.  I think it is an investment into the future, and that will always be costly.  We need it.
• Julia Gillard believes in climate change

Against:

• I have never voted Labor.  To me they represent Union thuggery (rightly or wrongly) and here in the West I have heard many stories of union members being dicks and thugs.  My father had his own business and I was influenced by his distaste for them.  Although I know they are important, I think that they can also be used by incompetent, lazy and unmotivated people to hide behind to demand the same pay as those who work hard.
• As part of the Australian Defence Force, we are of the strong belief that Defence spending is always cut under a Labor government.  Many of my work colleagues will not vote Labor because of this.  The Rudd/Gillard government was my first Labor government whilst serving.  The cuts to Defence spending has never been so significant as it is now.
• I don’t like their stance on same-sex marriage.  They do not intend to recognise it.
• I don’t like their workplace policies.  I am for the employer in the most part.  Workers need to be treated right, but employers should be able to get rid of those who they don’t want or don’t fit.  I actually liked work choices.

Liberal (leader: Tony Abbott)

For:

• I have always voted Liberal.  I like their philosophy.  They are for the businesses and those who have worked hard to get themselves in a good financial position.
• I liked their stance on illegal immigration.
• Tony Abbot has just announced better pension indexing for Military personnel.  I believe this is overdue.
• Workplace relations

Against:

• Tony Abbott isn’t all that smart.  I don’t think he would go well without a myriad of minders telling him what to say and how to say it.  I shudder when I think of him representing Australia.
• Tony Abbott seems to think women are the one who would be operating the iron.  I think he is a little dated in his opinion of women and where they fit in society.
• I don’t like their stance on same-sex marriage.
• They support Family first.
• Tony Abbott thinks climate change is “crap”.

Greens (leader: Bob Brown)

For:

• Environment is placed as a priority.
• They still recognise the place of the economy in all their decisions.
• Bob Brown is an intelligent and articulate man who is also gay.
• The party supports gay marriage.

Against:

• Can’t think of any really.  More information on what he plans for our economy would be nice.

Family First (leader: Steve Fielding)

For:

• There is no ‘for’.  They are a bunch of bible bashing extremist if Wendy Francis is anything to go by.  Sheesh.  And to think there is a chance these sort of people could actually be in a position of power.

Against:

• Too numerous to mention here.

So there you go.  A very brief summary of my own thoughts on how to vote.  I am still undecided.  It may come down to who I like in my own electorate.  A woman called Allanah MacTiernan is running for the first time.  She is portrayed as a bit of an alcoholic, a bit eccentric with her dress and hair, but approachable, intelligent, witty and generous.  I like her and I think she is hilarious.  She is Labor though.  So still no closer to a decision!

This is for anyone getting a myomectomy and just wants to read the perspective of someone who had just been through it.  It is still very fresh in my mind.

Well I got out of hospital 2 days ago.  I am still quite restricted in what I can do.  I had a laparotomy and abdominal myomectomy to remove uterine fibroids.  I had a few of them, the biggest being around 5cm, which was pedunculated.  The others being within the walls of the uterus.  I didn’t really have any symptoms of note.  They were diagnosed during a cat-scan after a UTI to check on my kidneys.  They were confirmed by an internal ultrasound.  On this basis the gyno recommended removal, although there was no urgency.

I had to fast from 12 midnight for turning up at the hospital at 7am.  I could not have any water either.  My surgery was programmed for around 1030.  I had to make sure I had shaved 3cm of pubic hair away as well.

After taking details and doing some paperwork I was taken to pre-op where I dressed into the lovely smock, and lay there in a cubicle waiting.  I had a bit of a cold so the anaesthetist came to see me to make sure I could go through with the operation.  The main reason was coughing, which would be difficult after the operation.  I really appreciate this now, but played it down at the time so the operation wouldn’t be delayed.

I was wheeled into a darkened section of the hospital, a sort of pre-op section.  Here I was asked my name again, my id bracelet was checked, again, and I was asked if I had any allergies, again.  I would have waited there for about 15 minutes.  I was then wheeled down a corridor through some automatic sliding doors into a brightly lit room.  The operating theatre.  The bed was wheeled adjacent the operating table, and I was asked to get onto it.

The anaesthetist was on my left side and I layed out my arm to access the back of my hand.  She inserted the IV needle which I didn’t feel.  Meanwhile the nurses were attaching monitors around my forehead.  The last thing I remember is starting to hold the oxygen to my mouth and nose.

I remember vaguely, waking up and a nurse talking to me saying that we were going to the ward.  I remember being wheeled into what was to be my room for the next few days, and seeing my partner sitting there smiling at me.  I was pleased to see her, I said hello.  I was told afterwards that I was very loud.

I was connected to various equipment five ways.  I had a urinary catheter.  I had a hydration drip.  I had fentanyl pump which I manually controlled.  It was restricted to delivering a dose at a minimum of 5 minute intervals.  This is called patient controlled analgesia or PCA.  Both the fentanyl and hydration was delivered through the tube in the back of my left hand.  I had oxygen via nose tube.  Finally I had an ‘ON-Q’ pump.  This is the delivery of analgesia directly to the wound site.  A little balloon the size of a large tennis ball is filled with local anaesthetic and delivers it via a tiny tube which is inserted into the wound itself.  In addition I was given antibiotic twice a day.  A couple of panadol every four hours, and ibuprofen as well.  In addition I was given an anti-coagulant needle in my stomach every day.  I still have the bruising.

At the time I was quite comfortable.  I didn’t need to move at all.  I could move my bed up and down via a control on my right.  I had access to the tv with Foxtel pay TV via a control on my left.  I had a table on wheels on which I got three course meals and cups of tea and biscuits.  I wanted for nothing.  I thought I was having a great time, and that I was quite fortunate compared to all those poor people who had to go to work!  In hindsight, I was probably in a slight state of euphoria from the fentanyl.

The operation was on Wednesday.  I was out of surgery around midday Wednesday.  I had hourly observations taken until Thursday morning.  I didn’t move really.  On Thursday morning they removed the urinary catheter.  It is held in place by a fluid filled balloon.  To remove the catheter, the nurse used a syringe to drain the balloon, then just pulled it out.  No pain at all.  But this meant I had to get out of bed to go to the toilet.  This meant unplugging both the IV and Fentanyl machines, unhooking from the oxygen, and bringing the little black bag which housed the ON-Q, and wheeling the whole contraption into the toilet.  It was slightly painful.  I was starting to feel bloated as well.

On Friday morning they removed the IV for both the Fentanyl and Saline.  I had my left had free.  It was a little scary seeing my beeping machines being wheeled out of the room.  I was alone.  I still had my ON-Q but the ball was much smaller and I suspected that most of the local had been delivered.  I got rid of the oxygen as it was only needed whilst I was on the Fentanyl.  I was still taking the panadol, the ibuprofen and the needles.  The ON-Q was then removed.  I was free from attachments which was great.  However I was feeling bloated and blocked.  Asked for a laxative, which helped.

By Friday afternoon I was walking, very slowly, around the hospital.  I had to try not to hunch.  I still took a while to get in and out of bed and had to lift my legs with my hands.

On Saturday morning I was discharged with ibuprofen and panadol.  I was feeling nauseous and have been since.  It is only today (Monday) when the nausea has started to fade.

At the moment (Monday afternoon) I still have to walk very slowly.  I am very hunched after I have been sitting, but after a while I can straighten up.  My last panadol was 0430 this morning and I only have a bit of pain, so perhaps that’s it for the panadol.  I am still a bit bloated.  I have a worrying hard lump just above the scar to the left, which I think may be bowel mass.  It doesn’t seem to move.  But I am ‘going’ so I am not sure if I should be worried.  This is one of the possible results of a myomectomy so I will see how it goes.

I got some information from this site, which was really quite accurate.  In the end, I am glad it is over, but I am still waiting for a full recovery.  I am yet to see how it will effect my life.  All in all, the discomfort of the procedure is mostly prominent just after discharge from the hospital.  The nausea is horrible and I am having serious night sweats as well.  The operation itself I do not remember obviously, as I was well out to it.  I am hoping the fibroids were got, they are not cancerous, and the wound heals okay.  The pain management was very very good.

I hope this helps anyone going through this.

Post Script (12Dec 2010).

I have been running around for months now, without any thought of the operation.  The hard lump around the scar is actually scar tissue.  I had been worried about it, the lump is still there.  The doctor told me to massage it and exercise, and the scar tissue would eventually go.  He also said it was normal for the site and area around it to feel tender.  This is normal after the operation, and reflects the nerves which were impacted.  I think the scar tissue is slowly reducing as the lump is becoming smaller.

…going under general anesthetic that is.  I am having an operation.  They will be cutting into my abdomen through my tummy muscles.  This means that afterwards I won’t be able to move for a few days.  This is how I have prepared.

Read the risks associated with going under…mistake.  I don’t want to be paralysed, get chipped teeth, suffer from kidney failure, get brain damage or die.  So I will be using my considerable ability for denial to not think of such things.

Write a quick will.  Just in case.  Unfortunately the legal people at work need a bit more than a few hours notice to get something together.  Quite inconvenient.  So I just jotted something on a bit of paper and signed it.  Got someone at work to witness.  Hope it stands up…if needed.

Give my partner all my passwords to my various accounts.

Load up the iphone.  I have two audio books, and two kindle books which I can read/listen to when drugged up and weeing through a tube.  I need something to take my mind off things between the bouts of morphine.  I also loaded some videos.

Cleaned the house.  If I survive the operation I want to come home to a nice homely home.  Not one with crap everywhere.  I won’t be doing any vacuuming for a while.

Wash some pyjamas and pack a little bag.  Just so that I am not lying there in a pastel blue smock with little in the way of thermal properties.  Might chuck an extension cord in as well.  No point of preparing the iphone when it will just run out of juice with the powerpoint another bed away.

Not tell my mother.  The fussing, worry, and general stress that comes with that is just not worth it.  Just thinking of it sends my stomach into knots.

Speaking of stomach, not eating.  I am not eating today.  And I have eaten little in the last few days.  There is no way I will be crapping in a pan.  There is a limit to a loss of dignity I can endure.  So I will starve today.  I am worried though that what I ate yesterday may make an appearance.  I will just hold on until I can make it to the more traditional location.  Hopefully within shuffling distance of my bed.

Lastly, don’t tell anyone I know.  This saves me the embarrassment of being visited by well meaning friends and work colleagues.  I don’t want people seeing me lying there attached to a warm transparent wee bag and half doped up on drugs.  Unfortunately I have had to tell people at work, like the boss, and the person doing my job whilst I am not there.  But I have been vague and forgetful when it came to hospital and dates.  I don’t want any crappy flowers or balloons either.  I am not eighty years old just yet.  My iphone and partner will be fine to keep me company and make me feel loved.  I have email and twitter too.  What more could you want?

That is about it.  I am lucky I have a great partner who will be there for me (just in case she reads this!), and will bring me home and make me chicken soup (she doesn’t know this yet).

Hopefully I will let you know after the operation how it went.

You work.  You earn money.  You spend money on food, and shelter.  You save for when you cannot work anymore.

Work is not just about earning money though.  It provides a purpose, a reason to get up from sleeping.  It also provides social interaction, fun, humour, and gossip.  It provides relationships and allows us to immerse in the complexity of social life.

Well you know, I pretty much hate working.  I have come to the point where I want to stay at home and do other projects.  I will get all that stuff from community events and friends.  It has come to the point where the main reason I am at work is my pension.

A bit sad.  What if I don’t live long enough to use it?  What about ‘living for the now?’.  The thing is, with working in the Military, the pension is not that bad.  If I work another 5 years I will get a pension at 60 for the rest of my life.  At about 30k a year.  Not huge, but better than the old age pension.  The thing is, I am not sure I can last that long.  The work I do is not hard, but it is not enjoyable at all.  The worst part is managing people.  I hate that.

Decision time is looming!  A decision will have to be made in the next year or so.  Until then, I will continue to fantasise about the time when I walk away into a new life!

….sigh…just another fantasy…

Well, if it was that simple!…

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